I didn’t always wake up this happy…
In fact, eight years ago I was forced to answer one of the toughest questions from my six year old son:
My heart sank at that moment. How could I look into his big brown eyes filled with tears and explain to him what really happened? I mustered up whatever strength I had left, took a deep breath and answered:
Later that night I held him in my arms and we wept together.
When I woke up the next day, a huge cloud hung over my head and thoughts of the past came rushing in…memories of my dad leaving me and ex-boyfriends leaving me. I struggled to get out of bed and face the day. There was a loud voice in my head convincing me I was unlovable.
As I lay there crying, I started to identify the stories in my head:
Men are weak
Men are cowards
Men don’t choose me
Because of these stories, I birthed a belief which created an identity:
I swore that my sons would never feel unlovable or unwanted! I promised myself that I would stop this pattern that broke my heart time and time again.
As I looked further into the patterns and the stories, I realized, it’s not anger for men I took on, it was compassion that washed over me. The same compassion I remember feeling for my dad as I watched him unhappily stuck in a marriage he so badly wanted leave but didn’t know how. Appearing less than a man appeasing my mom’s every command to save whatever dignity he had left.
The same compassion I remember feeling for my husband, who didn’t have the courage to say ‘I am not happy’ and instead self imploded.
It was this moment of realization, that
…so that my sons can grow up in a world where they feel safe to speak from their heart without the fear of judgement. Where vulnerability isn’t considered a quality only women can exercise. Where feelings aren’t considered a weakness.
Are you ready to work on aligning your heart and mind in order to achieve relationships beyond your wildest dreams?